Swear Words and Coffee
by Sky Astor
Summary: POV - first person. Malcolm x Reader. You're Malcolm Tucker's assistant and deeply in love with him, but he doesn't know it. Will you tell him? (*My first ever fic*)
1. Chapter 1 (Intro)

**Author's Note: **Originally, I wanted to name the assistant Sarah, but in the end I decided it would be better with a nameless assistant, so it can be Malcolm x Reader. Some of the Malcolm Tucker (Peter Capaldi) fans may appreciate it. I hope you like it! :)

**This is the first story I have ever written. I decided to come back to it - there are some minor changes in the text and I divided it into chapters. They will be updated gradually as I get on with it. The changes are _really_ only _minor_ - I've deleted some stupid sentences or I've rewritten them, so they sound better.**

And now you can enjoy the story. :)

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><p><strong>Swear Words and Coffee<strong>

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><p>Chapter 1 (Intro)<p>

Each morning I woke up with him on my mind and pain in my heart.

Well, 'each morning I woke up with him on my mind' is a bit overdone because this statement may give the impression that I slept like a baby at home every night, which was not true. The thing is: I was busy. But yes, when I did sleep, I woke up with him on my mind. He was always on my mind… and so was the pain in my heart. Every day and every night.

I was the assistant of a powerful man. Tucker was his name. Malcolm Tucker. He was the Director of Communications for the government. He was 46 years old, Scottish, taller than me, quite aggressive and feared, he shouts a lot and swears 24/7. And yes, people do actually fear him. I don't blame them… However, he's always been polite to me.

So, basically, this is what I did as his assistant: got him coffee, carried his stuff (bag, documents…), reminded him of things he had to do (at whom he had to shout etc.), told him my opinion if he demanded to hear it, distracted others when I was ordered to do so, delivered messages… I just did whatever he wanted me to do.

And yes - _He_ was the man on my mind (and he pain in my heart because I knew we would never be a thing). We probably wouldn't go together. He was 46 and I was 25. And the way he behaved, talked… I didn't even know him that much. Besides, did he even get lonely? Did he fancy me? Was he different in private? I really couldn't read him. He seemed to be full of energy at work all the time. He loved his job. Sometimes he was even really happy and smiled brightly which made me happy too. He worked all the time, did everything for his party - at day and night.

And I was almost always around. Lucky me.

I don't even know how I became his assistant. There was no selection procedure or something like that. I was just a secretary at DoSAC and one day he stormed into our office, swore at some guy and wanted coffee, so I went to get it, thinking it will calm him down a bit.

"Thanks," he said.

"Not at all," I replied with a faint smile.

Very soon, I couldn't take my eyes off him when he was around. Every day I hoped that he would come to our office. He seemed really attractive to me. He was powerful, the alpha-male… I wondered if was like that in private too. Who knew?

Always when he came to us, I brought him coffee of my own free will. I just wanted him to notice me, look at me for those 5 seconds, hear his thanks when I handed him the coffee. I wanted to do more for him, see him more often, but I didn't there was a way. And I'm not that kind of person who inflicts herself on someone. (Even if I had done that he'd probably tell me to fuck off.)

However, one day he asked me if I could deliver a message to Hugh, who wasn't in the building at that time. He stood so close to me, whispered in a deadly tone and he really stressed that this message is just for Hugh. I shivered, felt happy and important at the same time. Luckily for me, this wasn't just a one-time thing. He started asking me to deliver messages, documents and to get him coffee more and more often until he offered me to be his assistant. He probably sensed that I'm loyal, keep things to myself, don't do gossip… I was so happy and I genuinely couldn't believe it.

He used to send me home early despite him working non-stop. Soon I realised that this wasn't what I wanted. I felt so empty without him. I just couldn't stand it. I wanted to be around, help him… even if it just meant to get him coffee, tangerines or whatever at 11pm.

One day he sent me home in the evening. I didn't want to disoblige, so I just did as he said. When I was at the main door I stopped – I just didn't want to go. I went back to his office. I was worried that he would shout at me, but I needn't to. He never shouted at me and I took much pride in that. It made me think he liked me. However, you could never tell what he really thought…

He shouted at me only when he wanted me to come to him - when I was in another room or somewhere else but with him.

"Did you forget something?" he asked, doing his paperwork when I came back.

"Uh…No…Not really…" I stuttered. His eyes looked up at me from behind his glasses. (He looked gorgeous in those, by the way.)

I continued, "I just wondered if you need any help…with… anything."

"No," he smirked. "Go home and have some fucking sleep, darling."

"Well… And if I'd like to stay here with you?" I asked shyly and quietly.

He cocked an eyebrow.

_Damn_

"You're fucking impossible," he smiled. He seemed to be in a good mood. It made me happy when I could see him like that.

"You can stay here if you want, I won't kick you out the door but don't you want to go back to your flat and have a rest?"

"Well, my flat is in the suburb of London, anyway, so it would take quite a while to get there and –"

He cut me off, "you just want to stay, right?"

"Uhm, yep," I blushed.

He let out a little laugh, shook his head and continued his work.

"Once you're here, you can get me some fucking coffee, then."

"My pleasure, Malcolm."

"Thanks, darling," he said with a smile, "I'm glad you're here with me. You make the stay in this fucking asylum really more pleasant."

"And vice versa,'' I replied joyfully.

He bit his lower lip and smiled in amusement. As soon as I was out of his office and behind the corner where he couldn't see me, I smiled brightly like an idiot.

That kind of nights started to happen more often. Not returning home, coffee, a little chat, me sometimes falling asleep. Even he fell sometimes asleep while he was working… well, rarely. When he did, it was my greatest pleasure to wake him up.

Becoming his assistant was the greatest thing that has ever happened to me although it had hurt sometimes. Sometimes very, very much. I was madly in love with him and I couldn't tell him. I just didn't dare. I could have destroyed everything by telling him and I couldn't put that to risk.

He seemed to like me, he trusted me, he wasn't rude to me… and it's Malcolm Tucker whom I talk about. I couldn't have asked for more.

We've made quite the team.


	2. Chapter 2

**Swear Words and Coffee**

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><p>Chapter 2<p>

"It doesn't matter."

He had said this in front of all those cameras and journalists before his driver took us to his home. It was late afternoon, Wednesday.

He had to resign. He already knew he was finished during the Goolding inquiry and he just wanted to leave with dignity. He would have if Ollie hadn't given the journalists a ring. He pushed him off the cliff. That was pure humiliation.

And they didn't care. After all the things he's done for them, for his party. He didn't matter to them. Nothing he's ever done mattered.

They just didn't give a fuck.

I was sitting right next to him with a coffee in my hand. He was staring out of the window; his eyes were filled with sadness and bitterness. He sighed deeply, turned to me, wrapped his arms around my left arm and rested his head on my shoulder. I froze and my heart picked up a little o its speed – he'd never done anything like this before. I decided to play it cool and just relax but somehow I couldn't resist laying my head on his. I felt so sorry for him. I offered him the half-empty coffee – he took it but drunk just a bit and returned it to me. He slowly looked up at me. Those piercing blue eyes were looking right through me. I wanted to make him feel better, but I didn't know how. I slowly opened my mouth… and closed it again. I lost myself in that mesmerizing blue.

"Don't know what to say? I don't fucking know either." He said quietly and returned his head to my shoulder.

"Fuck them." He added, closing his eyes.

I just wanted to kiss him, but I didn't dare to do so. Instead of that I placed a gentle kiss on his head. He opened his eyes again, looked into mine and smiled softly.

"Thank you, love," he spoke softly.

"What for?"

"Are you joking now? For fucking everything. For having been so loyal and nice to me. You're the only one who gave and still gives a fuck. I'm sure I was a prick even to you sometimes-"

"You've never been to me, Malc," I cut him off and smiled at him.

_I love you_. _Simple, right?_ _When if not now?_

My career as his assistant was over. I could tell him because I had nothing to lose. Not that time.

He was looking at me and I took all my courage, leaned in and kissed him softly on the mouth. Just a brief kiss but it was utterly enough to put half of my brain out of service.

"I love you, Malcolm," I didn't move away.

He looked back at me, surprised and astonished. He said nothing and I started to worry.

"You love me?" he raised one eyebrow and I heard the surprise in his voice.

"Yea, I do. Always did," I replied shyly.

He was just staring at me like I was bananas. I could feel I was slowly falling apart and I did everything to keep myself together.

_Oh God, what have I done? Fuck._

Then I turned my head away from him.

"Sorry," I said quietly. My hands were slightly shaking.

He sat up properly, put his hand on my cheek and turned my face back to him.

"Don't you dare," he started. His voice was a bit teary as he spoke.

"Don't you fucking dare to apologize for that," he whispered.

I smiled a little, but I felt that my eyes were filling up with tears. He noticed and caressed my cheek with his thumb as his face came a little closer to mine.

"How can someone like you fall in love with such a mad fucker like me?'' he said with a faint smile and I could see the disbelief in his eyes.

"I'm not that sane myself, you know," I said jokingly. He let out a little laugh and shook his head.

"I just think you're the most interesting and handsome man I've ever met."

My skin burned under his touch and I felt the blush on my cheeks.

He tilted his head and a little smile on appeared on his beautiful face.

"Yeah, you can't be fucking sane," he said as he closed the distance between us and our lips met. The warmth of his soft lips sent a shiver down my spine. He tasted of coffee and I smell his cologne. I took his hand, which was resting on my cheek, and I put it in mine, my second hand rested on his chest, which allowed me to feel his heart pounding. The kiss was slow and gently and didn't last very long. I rested my forehead against his and we gazed into each other's eyes. Then I closed mine and smiled. Malcolm chuckled and kissed my forehead. I felt the blood rushing through my veins.

"You've no idea what you do to me," I whispered, not looking up at him.

"No, not really but you do things to me too, you know," he replied playfully. ''I've simply never thought you'd fucking fancy me and return my feelings."

I removed my glasses and I rubbed my eyes, "I've been thinking the same thing for the last 2 years."

"Jesus fucking Christ," he whispered as he scratched his head. This was so surreal.

"Hey, why don't ye come in when we arrive at my place? You could stay for a while, we could have some tea, a wee chat… How does that sound?" he asked and tried to sound happier than he probably was.

"Yeah. That would be great."

"Fucking perfect," a smile accompanied his reply.

I didn't know if he really was happier or if he was just pretending. He seemed less devastated for sure. I wondered when was the last time somebody kissed him. Or told him that he's beautiful. Has anyone even ever told him that?

We put our jackets on the pegs and he also his long coat which I really liked – he looked dashing in it. Our boots remained on the carpet. I wore a sort of grey trouser suit (as always) because I felt uncomfortable in a skirt. And the suit was better for moving, anyway. That day I had my waistcoat on – I adore them. Pity Malcolm didn't wear them, though. I bet he'd look extremely hot.

His house was really nice. He had a wonderful living room – comfy sofa, coffee table, big screen Tv, some nice shelving units with a few books, statuettes, and other things. All his furniture was dark brown, almost black. I really loved that. I hate it when a room's too light. There was another table in the kitchen with a vase that contained faded flowers – no wonder, he was at work all the time. I went to the kitchen with him.

"Coffee or tea?" Malcolm asked with his back turned to me while he was preparing cups.

"Tea, please. I think we're over-coffeed by now, don't you think?"

He turned around and smiled at me.

"Yeah, we probably are. I've even been pissing coffee for the last half year."

I chuckled and shook my head in amusement.

His swearing - one could say it was nasty, repulsive, disgusting or whatever. Nevertheless, from the beginning I just didn't mind him swearing – I actually kind of started liking it. His favourite swear word was probably 'fuck' or 'fucking'. One could hear it thousand times a day.

"Tea shall be it. Okay. Wait in the living room, I'll join you in a minute." He turned back to the cups.

"As you wish, handsome."

"Stop teasing me! I'm not Johnny fucking Depp" he replied playfully and looked at me from the corner of his eye.

He was to me.

I grinned at him and made my way to the living room. I sat down on the left side of the comfy sofa, put one of the two pillows behind my back, rested my head on the backrest and I closed my eyes. It was as comfy as it looked. Soon I was joined by Malcolm and the lovely smelling tea he made.

"Thanks," I said quietly, not moving my head.

"No problem."

He placed the two cups of the hot beverage on the dark brown coffee table in front of us and sat down right beside me. He turned to me, placed his right hand on my hip and gently kissed my neck.

"You smell nice," he whispered.

He continued his sweet kisses up to my jaw. I lifted my head and smiled at him. I gave him a quick kiss and handed us our drinks.

"How are you, Malc?" I asked him as I drank my tea.

He cocked his eyebrow, "Are you concerned?"

"Of course, Mr. Tucker," I smiled at him sweetly and nuzzled his nose.

"Well, I'm pissed off, disappointed and sad. Ollie that prick. No fucking dignity, just bitterness," He sighed and drunk his tea.

"Is there anything I can do to make you feel better?"

Malcolm looked at me, "You've already made me feel better, sweetheart."

His response and smile sent a sweet feeling through my body.

"I'll be right back," he said as he stood up, "I'll just slip into something more comfortable."

I nodded and continued sipping my tea.

"You mind if I turn the radio on?" he asked.

"No, of course not. Please, go ahead."

And there I sat - in Malcolm Tucker's living room, drinking tea. I didn't know how to cope with this sudden happiness that kind of overwhelmed me. However, it felt wonderful.


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: **And the last chapter... Enjoy! :3

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><p><strong>Swear Words and Coffee<strong>

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><p>Chapter 3<p>

When Malcolm came back, he was wearing a fleece sweater. He turned the radio on and he sat back next to me. A lovely song came on…

_Nobody knows it, but you've got a secret smile_

_And you use it only for me_

_Nobody knows it, but you've got a secret smile_

_And you use it only for me_

_So use it and prove it_

_Remove this whirling sadness_

_I'm losing, I'm bluesing_

_But you can save me from madness_

"You suddenly look so different. I'm used to seeing you in a suit all the time, you know. You look great."

He smirked and finished his tea, "Thanks. I'm so not used to getting compliments on the way I look, though. Guess I'll have to get used to it now from you, ey?"

I chuckled and emptied my cup too. Malcolm rested his head on the backrest of his sofa and yawned.

"I'm fucking tired."

I could hear it in his voice and ran my fingers through his fluffy dark grey hair.

"Lie down," I dared to order him.

He looked at me and did so. In a moment, he was lying on the sofa with a pillow under his head and me on his side. My back was against the backrest. Our head were just inches apart and he yawned again.

"Finally, you can get some proper rest and sleep 'cause you don't have to work 24/7 now."

He let out an approving hum.

I came closer and kissed him. One of my hands rested on his chest, my other hand was stroking his hair. His tongue impatiently slipped between my lips, found mine and he gently cupped my face and held my head in place. He deepened the kiss and I slid my hand under his fleece and untucked his T-shirt. A moan escaped his slightly swollen lips when my fingers touched his skin.

My lips curled into a grin when we parted due to the lack of air. I kept on stroking his belly and chest under his clothes, feeling a smattering of short and coarse chest hair, which was covering the area between his pecs and on his abdomen. His eyes were ablaze and my heart was pounding fast against my chest.

"May I ask you something?" I started.

"Yea, sure."

_God how I adore that Scottish accent._

"When was the last time you had a girlfriend?" I looked at him.

He cocked an eyebrow in amusement.

"Well… I mean – I heard you saying to Ollie that you sacrificed all your life for the party and that you worked non-stop," I explained.

"I had a girlfriend long ago, but it didn't work so great between us."

"Oh. Sorry. I shouldn't have asked you such a stupid question."

He ran his fingers through my hair.

"It's fucking fine, darling. Don't worry. You're just a wee curious about me, that's perfectly okay," he assured me.

I nodded, a bit embarrassed.

I bit my lower lip and continued, ''Actually… I wanted to ask you if you could take this lovely fleece of?" I asked shyly.

He let out a little laugh, removed it and placed it on the ground. He was wearing a long-sleeved dark grey polo shirt.

"Gorgeous," I whispered and returned my head to his chest.

"Oh, fucking stop it!" he said playfully. I could feel his chest vibrates as he spoke, "you are the one who is gorgeous here. Very, very beautiful, you are," he added.

"Thank you," I mumbled against his chest.

"Not at all, darling." He paused and his voice caught a more quiet tone, "But hey, you really want me? I'm old… I mean, you could surely have a much better-looking man of your age.''

His words made me smile. He didn't believe that I fancied him like mad.

I had to explain, ''I've always been attracted to older men, you know. I've never had any interest in men of my age. Never. They've all seemed the same to me. The same behaviour, stupid puns et cetera. You're a little bit older than me, so what? I love you, Malcolm. I truly do.''

"A wee bit older? You know I'm fucking 48, yeah?"

"Of course I do. You can die your hair if you want to look younger," I giggled.

"You cheeky fucker, you," he laughed.

He pulled me up to him, so we shared the position like before. His dreamy blue eyes were filled with love, just as mine.

''Hey, handsome, I mean it. You may be older, swear like mad and whatever but I don't care. I don't give a shit about your anger, swearing, age, the lines on your face… - on the contrary – I like it, I love it. I love you. Everything about you – your voice, accent, smile, elegant movements and I could go on for a while. You're very attractive to me, Malcolm," I said softly. "You're absolutely gorgeous,'' I whispered in his ear.

"Thanks, sweetheart. I appreciate this. I've always loved and adored you."

He gave me a soft kiss and I smiled in response.

His blue eyes with a hint of green travelled across my face until he closed them – one could really see he was tired. Little red and violet veins were visible on his closed eyelids and eye bags under his eyes weren't missing.

"What are you going to do now? After you career as Tucker's assistant?'' he asked as his fingers were tracing along my collarbone, his second hand was under his head.

"Well, I'm actually an English and German teacher, so I'll see if I can find a job at some school."

"Interesting, I didn't even know you're a teacher. However, I couldn't teach… I'd probably kill those little fuckers if they pissed me off."

"And what about you?"

"I've worked at newspapers once. I'll try my luck there for now."

"Nice. I'm sure you'll find a job there."

I gently tucked his polo shirt up just enough to see his little belly... I watched my hand as I traced my fingertips along his sensitive skin and fiddled with the smattering of chest hair that was resting there. Malcolm bit his lower lip and purred like a satisfied kitten which was the sexiest thing I've ever heard.

I kissed his eyebrow, nose and finally I captured his lips. He gently sucked on my lower lip while his hands were exploring my hot skin under my clothes. His tongue played with mine and seemed to stay still – I was completely overwhelmed by all the feeling and arousal. Our long, drugging kiss was over when I slowly pulled away. His lips were swollen and pink as he gave me a devilish grin.

"That was fucking belter," his voice was deep.

''I'm not exactly sure what belter means, sweetie. I love your accent, by the way'' I grinned at him back.

''Fucking fantastic.''

''So it was fucking, fucking fantastic?'' I asked jokingly, although knowing it was a stupid pun,

We both laughed.

''I couldn't agree more,'' I added.

He locked his eyes onto mine green ones, placed his hand my cheek and stroked it with his thumb and I could feel my skin burning under his touch. He brought my head to his and nuzzled my nose. I run my fingers through his hair and stroked the back of his head. He let go of me, adjusted the pillow under his head, yawned and rubbed his tired eyes.

''We could go and have dinner at my favourite restaurant in the evening. What do you say, sweetheart?''

''That would be brilliant.''

He smiled at me softly and I told him to close his eyes and finally have some rest after those mentally and physically exhausting years. He rarely went home, didn't sleep much… for how many years again? I accompanied him only the last 2 years – and it was devastating.

I placed tender kisses along his jaw and then I moved lower to nibble at his neck. A quiet moan escaped his mouth when I bit harder. He swung both of his arms around my waist and pulled me to him. It was like his exhaustion was infectious. All the rest of my energy seemed to disappear and all I could do was to close my eyes. We were lying there together – me on top of him with my nose buried in his neck.

''Hey, I love you too, sweetheart,'' Malcolm whispered in my hair while he was drawing little circles on my back with his fingers and I felt the warmth flowing through my body.

I gently kissed his neck and smiled against it. I enjoyed the fading smell of his cologne accompanied by the intoxicating scent of him.

''What do you think is happening at our ex-party now?'' I asked.

''They're probably running around like headless chickens, full of stress, arguing, blaming each other for shit, fucking things up like usual.''

''I'd pay good money to see that.''

''Yeah, me too. Can you imagine Ollie that ponce as the new Director of Communications? That twat's gonna a be a fucking joke.''

There was a slight pause before he continued in a lower tone: ''I loved my job and our party… I just didn't expect they wouldn't give the slightest of fucks about me after all I had done for them.'' There was a bit of sadness in his voice, which made my heart twitch.

''Malc, I know it's hard for you now… But don't be disappointed or sad because of those arseholes. One day, every one of them will know how you felt – almost every one of them will have to go one day, resign or whatever… they'll feel the bitterness themselves. No one will give a damn. And, by the way, they didn't even deserve such a brill director of communications like you.''

''Maybe you're right. I fucking gave them 20 years of my life. Oh well…''

He cared, at least a bit. It must have been awful for him – kicked out of the ship after so long. I sighed deeply and opened my eyes. The empty cups on the table were in my view.

''Yeah. That's how it goes, I guess… How about another cuppa, love?'' I asked.

''Why not.''

We got up and I followed him to the kitchen.

''Any special wishes?'' He asked.

''Well... Have you got one with apple flavour.''

''Aye.''

He put the kettle on and I leaned against the kitchen frame, right next to him.

''You look like you want to say something. Is everything okay?'' His eyes examined me thoroughly. Concerned Malcolm – that was new to me. He was so different in private and it was an honour to know his other side.

''No, no, I'm fine but-''

''Come on, spit it out, dear.''

''Well, my 'confession' in the car - it wasn't really appropriate, was it? The timing, I mean. I should have waited for a better occasion.''

Malcolm smiled slightly and shook his head. He wrapped his arms around my waist and stroked my back gently. I placed my hands on his chest and shied away a bit.

''A better occasion? You haven't said anything and you've worked 2 fucking years for me.'' He spoke softly and I looked up back at him. ''If you hadn't said it today, you would never have done it. _Our_ era would have ended. Trust me – it was a bloody good occasion. You made cheered me when I needed it the most.'' His soft words made my heart flutter. We smiled at each other and he kissed my forehead.

''If you had kept your mouth shut, I would probably just sit here and stare at the fucking wall.'' He traced his fingers along my collar bone to my V-neckline that revealed a bit of my skin, where his long index finger drew little lines on my chest.

''But you could have said something too.''

Malcolm watched his finger and shook his head softly.

''No, I really couldn't. I fancied you, wanted you close but that was it. As I said - I've never thought you would fancy me. I'm fucking 20 years older than you and definitely not a guy who women of your age would dream of.''

''It's 21 years, handsome.''

"Oh, that's fucking great," he chuckled

''No but seriously, thank you''

He bent down to kiss me and his body was pressing mine against the kitchen frame. Our kiss was interrupted by the kettle which signalised that the water was ready. I blushed slightly.

We went back and sat down when Malcolm's phone rang. He answered it and frowned. Despite the swearing, he spoke quite calmly. The short call ended with an annoyed 'yeah, yeah'.

''That was Ollie – their new dickrector of cockmmunications. We'll have to go back to the fuck office today to collect my stuff.''

''Okay.'' I nodded.

He wrapped an arm around me and pulled me close. I put my arm behind his back and my second rested on his chest.

''I'd say we'll go there right after we finish our tea and when we come back, we could to the restaurant dinner I mentioned earlier – it's not far, we could walk.''

''Yeah, sounds great.''

''We'll have a nice evening together,'' His hot breath on my skin sent a shiver through my body. I smiled and my cheeks blushed slightly.

I looked up at him, ''I'm certainly looking forward to that.''

He cracked a smile kissed me gently.

I put my head on his shoulder, he kissed my hair and rested his head on mine.

I actually couldn't wait till we get back to the 'fuck office' like the king and queen of the world, like we don't a give a shit. That was the plan. And then? A perfect evening would await us.

And who knows? Maybe we'll be back one day... When everything is swept under a new thick carpet of new cock-ups. Or maybe we won't.

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><p><strong>AN: **I tried to correct all the mistakes that I had found in the whole story and I've rewritten a few parts. Hope you liked it. Reviews appreciated!  
>Thank you for reading!<p> 


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